1974 DOLF HARTMANN PRESENTS DIE FRANK ZAPPA STORY GERMAN ONLY LP VERVE BEEFHEART

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FEBRUARY 1974 - DOLF HARTMANN PRASENTIERT: DIE FRANK ZAPPA STORY- THIS ALBUM WAS PRESSED AND RELEASED ONLY ONCE IN GERMANY, IT CONTAINS SONGS BY THE MOTHERS OF INVENTION THAT FRANK ZAPPA HAD RECORDED WITH WHEN HE WASN'T BUSY SITTING ON TOILETS - BY THE WAY, THIS IS A NICE QUALITY ALBUM FOLKS, AND THE RECORD COMES IN A SEPARATE WHITE CARDBOARD JACKET THAT WILL KEEP YOUR COVER LOOKING SHARP LONG AFTER YOU CROAK, HIGH QUALITY COLLECTOR'S INNER SLEEVE AND THE ORIGINAL INNER SLEEVE, BUT WAIT...., THERE'S MORE..., BECAUSE IF YEZ BUY IT BEFORE MIDNITE TONIGHT, I'M GONNA GIVE YEZ A PLASTIC OUTER SLEEVE ABSOLUTELY FREE - VERVE RECORDS BLACK WITH SILVER LETTERING LABEL 2304 161 - CHECK OUT THE PHOTOS AND READ THE ENTIRE DESCRIPTION AFTER YOU SCROLL PAST THE OBLIGATORY CRUD BELOW - OK LARRY?

RECENTLY, YET ANOTHER CONSUMER COINCIDENTALLY NAMED LARRY WITH AN INQUIRING MIND ASKED ME:

HEY REV, WADDA YEZ DOING SELLING ALL OF THAT STUFF ON EBAY? SHOULDN'T YEZ BE DOING SOMETHIN' ELSE LIKE SAVING SOULS OR SOMETHIN'? HUH?

WELL LARRY, YOU SEE UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE IN MY PROFESSION, I HAVEN'T MANAGED TO GET 20 MILLION DOLLARS IN MY HEAVENLY BANK ACCOUNT YET, IT SEEMS I JUST CAN'T FIND ENOUGH CHUMPS WHO WERE BORN AGAIN, SO I GOTTA SUPPLEMENT MY INCOME SOMEHOW. RIGHT LARRY?

SIDE ONE POOTS FORTH: THE RETURN OF THE SONG OF MONSTER MAGNET 1. RITUAL DANCE OF THE CHILD-KILLERS. 2. NULLIS PRETTII - PLASTIC PEOPLE - CALL ANY VEGETABLE - BROWN SHOES DON'T MAKE IT.

SIDE TWO OOZES OUT: NASAL RETENTIVE CALIOPE MUSIC - HARRY, YOU'RE A BEAST - WHAT'S THE UGLIEST PART OF YOUR BODY? - MOTHER PEOPLE - THE CHROME PLATED MEGAPHONE OF DESTINY. 

THE LAMINATED ON THE FRONT AND BACK ALBUM COVER LOOKS GREAT. A FEW LIGHT INDENTATIONS, BUT NO PEELING LIKE YOU MIGHT EXPECT ON AN 42 YEAR OLD ALBUM COVER. A LITTLE RING WEAR LIKE YOU MIGHT EXPECT, BUT REALLY LIGHT. INSIDE OF THE GATEFOLD ISN'T LAMINATED, BUT STILL LOOKS GREAT. NO SEAM SPLITS. NO WRITING. NO TAPE.

THE RECORD LOOKS GREAT AND PLAYS PERFECT. I PLAYED BOTH SIDES OF EVERY SINGLE GROOVE ON THIS RECORD ON MY DENON DP-1200 TURNTABLE WITH A DENON MOVING COIL CARTRIDGE HOOKED UP TO A TRANSFORMER, OR AS IT'S MORE COMMONLY CALLED A HEAD AMP. THIS KIND OF CARTRIDGE TRACKS BOTH SIDES OF THE GROOVE AND IN SOME IMAGINARY CASES HAS ALLOWED THE LISTENER TO HEAR WHAT HAD BEEN GWINE ON WITH THE GROUPIES IN THE RECORDING BOOTH. PROBABLY WHY THEY NAMED IT A HEAD AMP. ANYWAY, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL RECORD, NO SCRATCHES, I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE ANY SCUFFS, BUT THERE MIGHT BE SOME LURKING SOMEWHERE I MISSED. THIS WILL GIVE YOU AN IDEA ABOUT HOW IT IS, THE LABELS ARE BLACK, BUT THERE'S NO SPINDLE MARKS. ONE OF THE REASONS THE RECORD IS SO NICE JUST MIGHT BE IS THAT IT WAS ISSUED WITH ONE OF THOSE NICE QUALITY PLASTIC LINED INNER SLEEVES. THE ORIGINAL HAD ONE SMALL SEAM SPLIT, SO I KEPT IT FOR YOU COMPLETEST TYPES AND REPLACED IT WITH A BRAND NEW HIGH QUALITY COLLECTOR'S INNER SLEEVE. THERE'S ALSO THE AFORE-MENTIONED GENERIC WHITE CARDBOARD JACKET THAT WILL KEEP YOUR ALBUM COVER LOOKING SHARP LONG AFTER YOU CROAK, AND LIKE I TOLD YEZ, CHECK YOUR WATCH, BECAUSE IF IT'S BEFORE MIDNITE I'M GONNA PROVIDE YEZ WITH A PLASTIC OUTER SLEEVE ABSOLUTELY FREE.  

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HEY LARRY, YOU STILL HANGING AROUND WAY DOWN HERE? WELL SINCE IT'S OBVIOUS THAT YOU HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO TONITE SIMPLY CHECK OUT MY OTHER FRANK ZAPPA AND THE MOTHERS OF INVENTION, CAPTAIN BEEFHEART AND HIS MAGIC BAND, TIM BUCKLEY , LARRY "WILD MAN" FISCHER , ALICE COOPER , STEVE VAI , PLUS MORE FRANK ZAPPA / CAPTAIN BEEFHEART RELATED ARTISTS AND GROUPS THAN YEZ CAN SHAKE YER STICK AT, AND AS IF THAT WEREN'T ENOUGH I'VE ADDED SOME COOL PSYCHEDELIC / HARD ROCK ARTISTS FOR YOUR DANCING AND DINING PLEASURE SUCH AS: CAPTAIN BEYOND, KING CRIMSON. JETHRO TULL, JIMI HENDRIX, PINK FLOYD, THE TUBES, BLUE CHEER WITH THE LEGENDARY DICKIE PETERSON, MOUNTAIN WITH THE PORTLY LESLIE WEST AND THE EXTREMELY COOL FELIX PAPPAPARDI, ROOT BOY SLIM AND THE SEX CHANGE BAND, AND MANY OTHERS IN MY E-BAY STORE: SIR RICHARD PUMP A LOAF'S BAKERY. WHERE THE BUNS ARE ALWAYS HOT AND THE MUFFINS JUST MIGHT BE PERSUADED INTO REMOVING THEIR ROSETTAS EVEN FOR SOME GEEZER FROM THE CRUSTATION PERIOD, BACK WHEN CRUSTY GEEZERS ROAMED THE EARTH. THE ADMISSION REMAINS ABSOLUTELY FREE. . SO WADDA YEZ WAITIN' FOR, HUH?